Now, notice the order of things and the mess you have made over the last year. Ask yourself how your day runs: smoothly or in chaos? Since not all of us can afford five assistants to manage our day, I suggest a small 10-dollar day planner. Keep a calendar in the kitchen, too. That way, you’ve got two points of reference for that upcoming federal indictment, or housewarming party. Proper etiquette dictates an early arrival at any event, so it is very important to keep your day running efficiently, or so my lawyers tell me.

Next, take a browse around shelving units in the living room, garage, dens, or jail cell. Snap a picture of the units. How do they look? Clutter and a potpourri of crap are a sure sign that you need order in your life. So, to get those units looking just perfect, begin by knocking the shelves down on the floor. I prefer throwing it down in a blind rage in front of witnesses, but you’ll find what works best for you. Then, dust the units off, preparing them for restocking. (Did I say stock again?). Jot down everything you absolutely must have on the units. Get rid of old books, or tacky items such as vases and plastic flowers, particularly from K-Mart. Buy some wicker baskets for storage. Finally, place all of your books in a zigzag fashion shelf to shelf. Take a few smaller books and place them on their side. Set a small vase or ceramic piece on top of these books, but be sure the items are crisp and pleasing to the eye.

Clutter is a chaos curmudgeon. I find the best way to remove it from your house or garden, aside from turning a blind eye to it - as I do with my personal life and finances - is a bulldozer. I love the comfort and efficiency of the Caterpillar 834G Wheel dozer because the power train components deliver dependable, reliable performance and advanced design and materials provide superior strength, for those times you are thinking of "breaking out". And, here’s something I really like to do, drive the wheel dozer down the street. It’s been a wonderful way of meeting neighbours in a unique, confrontational fashion.

Another great idea for June is meal planning for the entire month. I’ve personally never had to worry about this, with my team of internationally renowned chefs, or as a younger woman, as I neglected my own loving husband and daughter while I catered other people’s meals. Let’s get started. Plan one week at a time, particularly for a smaller family. Jot down a dinner for each night. Try choosing one night for fish; the omega-three oils are very healthy for you. Another night for chicken breasts or ground turkey as a substitute for ground beef is also lovely. Think outside the hamburger-helping, middleclass box for some creative, stylish meals, for once in your pathetic life.

Now, design a grocery list, with the headings Staples, Produce, Dairy, Proteins, Grains and Cereals. Add on the items for each meal you will need. For example, you’re preparing one of my favourite recipes, "Five Hours of Work and Stress Fettuccine with Roasted Vegetables and Goat Cheese". Write the fettuccine in the Grains category, the cheese in the Dairy – the smell of goat cheese is delightful, too. It reminds me of times my Polish father and I visited downtown New Jersey on a hot smoggy summer afternoon. The jar of roasted peppers in the Staples section because this is mainly for the canned goods, and items you buys on a routine basis in your house. The cherry tomatoes, Walla Walla sweet onions, and sugar snap peas obviously go under the category of fruit and vegetables. Once you have prepared your list, write down the seven dinners on your kitchen calendar. Drink a fine bottle of chardonnay to yourself to round out the day.

Well, there we have a fantastic start to some really fun, efficient ways of managing the home. Enjoy the excessive amounts of work and stress this month. I’m off to the cafeteria with my biatch, Carole. She’s a good thing.